Defusing vs. Denying Emotions

A few weeks ago I presented "Joyful Living: Finding Joy Through Stress Relief" to the Intercultural Friends of Tirana, and I found one of the questions particularly intriguing. While discussing the benefits of EFT, we talked about its value as a tool to help defuse strong emotional reactions, and one of the participants was concerned that in defusing our emotions, we were denying them.

In fact, EFT does not repress emotions, but gives us a way to express them that allows us to move through and past our emotional reaction and consider why we are reacting that way. Getting stuck in an emotional reaction never serves us well, and I have personally experienced how powerful EFT can be in helping me work through strong emotions to a greater understanding of myself and what action I can take to help myself. However, this question was fascinating in that it pointed out how differently emotions are perceived by various cultures.

In this case, I was an American speaking to an international group in Albania, which is why I believe this is the first time someone has actually voiced this concern. However, I think that the tension between repressing and expressing emotions is a multicultural human experience.

So, what is the difference? In some cultures, it is the social norm to be expressive about one's feelings. Talking openly about emotions and relationships is expected and considered healthy, sometimes at high volume. Other cultures are more reserved, and deal with feelings quietly and individually. And then there is everything in between. Even within a single culture, such as the United States, each family will have its own expectations of what is appropriate emotional expression. Is there a "right" way to express feelings?

Of course not. But there is a wrong way to express them. For example, hurting another person, physically or verbally, is wrong. Never dealing with feelings at all is also not a good idea. Even the most stoic person you know has emotional reactions--we are human beings, it's impossible to not have some sort of emotional response. What we do with those feelings is how we are different, and how EFT can help.

EFT is one of the most self-directed forms of self-care and stress relief that I have come across in my work as a therapist and helping professional. EFT does not tell you what to do with your emotions, but rather, helps you give them a voice in a way that is safe, healthy, and cathartic. EFT does not require props, another person, or a great deal of time--I have practiced EFT during a two-minute time out session to my great benefit, as well as my family's. I invite you to try using EFT by downloading my free instruction manual from www.mindbodyglobal.com, and if you are interested in learning more about it, send me an email.